Whole Foods Is Carrying The GreenBox!!!

Remember when I said that the GreenBox would soon be appearing in businesses all over the nation? And that soon, you wouldn't be able to swing a dead cat without hitting a GreenBox? Well, I've got some bad news for people who like swinging dead cats without hitting GreenBoxes: we just took another major step towards our stated goal of nationwide domination.

Whole Foods, the hottest and most high-profile grocery store chain in the United States, has decided to stock the GreenBox in 30 Whole Foods stores in the Rocky Mountain region.

It’s a partnership that makes good sense; Whole Foods and ECOvention (that’s us) are both committed to environmental responsibility and sustainable business practices. And just like Whole Foods, we here at ECOvention strive to balance respect for the environment with greater functionality for the consumer. The best of both worlds – Whole Foods and the GreenBox (click the link to see our cute-as-a-button web commercial)!

And just look at that box (above) – it’s a work of art!

Granted, that picture leaves a bit to be desired. I took it on an iPhone in the kitchen of our NYC offices, but what’dya want from me? I’m the intern, not Ansel bloody Adams. But even with my poor photography skills, I think you’ll agree that the two logos go great together.

I mentioned in my last post that I wanted to create a real community around this product, and that’s where you, the readers of this blog, come in. Do me a big favor – head over to the Whole Foods blog and tell them how happy you are to see the GreenBox in their product line. And if you don’t live in the Rocky Mountain region, go ahead and tell ‘em that you won’t be happy until the Whole Foods in your area is stocking the GreenBox. That’s called “grassroots”, folks, and it really works.

I gotta go spit-shine CEO William Walsh’s slippers…but leave me some love and I’ll talk to you all soon.

XO,

The GreenBox Intern

Back By Back-Handed Popular Demand

Ahem. Hello, everyone. It's the GreenBox Intern.

I haven't written a blog since March. It's June. Why the delay? Frankly, I had gotten the distinct impression that no one was reading the blasted thing, and that no amount of web-savvy cross-promotion was having the desired effect. Not even the legendary Shanghai Ping-Pong Technique (link to Twitter via Facebook, Facebook back to Twitter, fake-out to Facebook, double-somersault, back to Twitter, random Craigslist ad, big finish on Digg) was having any discernible effect on my readership levels.

The GreenBox itself is attracting more attention than ever, and remains poised to become the new industry standard; this blog, not so much.

I began to ask myself, "Is it worth it?" After all, I slave, nay, agonize over these entries; some of them take upwards of 12 minutes to compose! And if I decide to throw a picture in, we're talking about 15 minutes of my life down the drain! If you think I'm gonna make that kind of sacrifice on a regular basis without some kind of response (preferably adulation), you're dead wrong. Of the scant comments I've received on the blog, most have been from family members. Oh, and there was one that had to be censored for potentially offensive content. Not exactly an outpouring of support.

Just the other day I arrived at work only to have CEO William Walsh lay in to me for not posting a blog recently - because, he said, his daughter and her friends at school "love it". CFO Jennifer Wright mentioned that her siblings love the blog as well, and consider themselves devoted readers (as much as you can be devoted to a blog that issues new material about as often as Axl Rose).

I'm sure Ned would have offered similar moral support, but he was inhaling deeply from a container of filtered oxygen (yes, he has taken to purchasing canned air on a daily basis - I haven't asked why and I'm not going to).

I appreciated my colleagues trying to shore me up. Ok, I thought - that's all well and good, but those readers are related to employees here at ECOvention; they're sort of obligated to humor my sad little efforts at web publishing. But then it happened - a new reader emerged from obscurity to inspire me to new heights.

On the blog entry below, you will notice a comment from a shadowy figuring calling himself "Anonymous" - a chilling moniker, to be sure. Where did he come from? How did he find me? And, perhaps the most pressing question of all - what is he afraid of?

Though you might assume that Anonymous and I are at odds with each other (he fancies himself "the competition", after all), I am actually grateful to this John Doe of cyberspace, for one reason and one reason only - he seems to have read my blog despite the fact that we are not related to each other, neither by blood nor marriage nor employer! "Anonymous", I owe you so much - you have reinvigorated my faith in myself, in my journalistic efforts, and in humanity as a whole.

My faith in the GreenBox, on the other hand, has never wavered. We've been extremely busy here in the NYC offices over the past month or so: flexing the muscle of our national distribution deal with Roma Food/PFG, combing through the literally hundreds of emails from interested businesses and consumers, and having a handful of pretty serious meetings which, frankly, are none of your business - yet. All will be revealed as the GreenBox continues it's inexorable crawl across the face of the United States.

Pretty soon, you're not gonna be able to swing a dead cat without hitting a GreenBox. Mark my words.

In the meantime, I thought we might try to shift the focus a bit. The GreenBox is riding high on a wave of interest and publicity, while my blog festers in darkness and obscurity, unread, unloved, unacknowledged by the world at large. It hasn't really taken off, in others words - certainly not with anything like the ferocity of the GreenBox's current rise. So do me a favor: tell your friends, tell your family members (as long as they're not my family members), tell your colleagues, tell your parole officers...anyone and everyone you know, direct them to this blog and let's get a real community going.

Don't leave me here alone with "Anonymous". Just kidding, A-non - I love ya!

XO,

The GreenBox Intern

I'm Still Alive, In Case Anyone Cares

Hello, all. If you’re wondering why I’ve been away from the blog for so long, I’ve got a good excuse: I’ve spent the past two weeks knee-deep in mind-numbing drudgery here at the ECO Inc. offices. If I never see another Excel spreadsheet in my life, I will die a happy man. In other words, I will not die a happy man.

See, that’s the thing about running a business – apparently, there’s a lot of nitty-gritty, nose-to-the-grindstone work to be done. Having spent the greater part of my 20s avoiding work in all its myriad forms, I’ve had some trouble adjusting to the demands of Corporate America (especially the pseudo-totalitarian version favored by GreenBox CEO William Walsh). After a long day’s work of data entry, customer relations calls, and spotting Ned while he tries to break his own bench-press record (813.5 lbs), it’s all I can do not to have a nervous breakdown. Medication helps.

Now, with any normal small business, the workload is punishing enough. But with the GreenBox, it’s doubly so, because of the sheer amount of interest and inquiries about the product we get on a daily basis. It’s no exaggeration to say that people are knocking down our doors to get their hands on the GreenBox, and keeping track of their fanatical demands for information falls largely on the bony shoulders of yours truly. Are you familiar with the saying about the you-know-what, and how it tends to roll downhill? Guess where I am.

You may already be familiar with the management style of William Walsh. God help you if you are. Brilliant and talented though he may be, Mr. Walsh seems to derive genuine pleasure from demeaning and emasculating his underlings – or, to be more specific, from demeaning and emasculating me. To pick one example from hundreds, he insists on referring to me as his “Gal Friday” despite my repeated protests that I am male. According to him, “the jury’s still out” on that claim.

It is against this background of near-constant mental and emotional abuse that I have strayed from my blogging duties. I hope you will accept my sincere apologies and say a prayer for me if you get a chance.

Meanwhile, ECO Inc. has recently completed an incredibly successful national mini-tour of industry trade shows. First we wowed the overwhelming crowds at the International Restaurant and Food Service Show of New York, sharing booth space with Tri-State juggernaut Imperial Bag & Paper. Next, the higher-ups (Will, Ned, and Jen) flew off to Vegas for the International Pizza Expo.

As usual, all the good stuff happened without me. While in Vegas, the brain trust inked a national distribution agreement with ROMA Foods. This deal formalizes a truly dynamic partnership - the nation’s leading distributor for the pizza and Italian foods industry distributor is now distributing the most talked-about product in recent memory. We can’t overemphasize the impact of this deal enough – it’s equivalent to Ned finally getting a callback from the WWE (cross your fingers).

And wrapping up the mini-tour, Sales Director Ned Kensing traveled all by his lonesome to Boston, MA to pahk the GreenBox in Hahvhad Yahd. Ned was personally invited to the show by Mansfield Paper, a major New England distributor with a boatload of interest in the GreenBox.

Long story short: in the past two weeks, we’ve secured coast-to-coast distribution for the GreenBox. From ruddy-cheeked New England lobstermen to sun-drenched Blackberry addicts in Santa Monica…soon the whole U. S. of A. will feel the global impact of William Walsh’s wondrous invention.

Between these three trade shows and the considerable interest our new commercial has generated, I’ve got my Sisyphean work cut out for me. In the next couple of weeks, the GreenBox will be popping up all over the country, and I’ll take pride in the fact that I helped that to happen. Not that I’ll get any credit for it, mind you.

Best,

The GreenBox Intern

The GreenBox on the Small Screen!!!

If you're David Patterson or Tiger Woods, you might resent the level of media intrusion in 21st Century America. Here at ECO Incorporated, however, we're more than happy to bask in the media attention that our wonderful product receives. We've got nothing to hide, after all. You'll find no skeletons in our closet (I'm not counting Marketing Director Ned Kensing's closet, which probably has more skeletons than your typical Dio De Los Muertos parade).

To date, the GreenBox has not been involved in a single corruption scandal or marital indiscretion; it's just a great product that effortlessly captures the attention of the media and the nation at large. And quite unlike David Patterson's ability to procure under-the-table Yankees tickets, I can't even squeeze free Post-It Notes out of the tight-fisted misers I work for. Absolute power corrupts absolutely; utterly powerless in my position as a glorified coffee-jockey, I am entirely free from the temptations of ambition and greed . May it always be so - you'd hate to see me go from humble intern to sex-crazed, power-hungry megalomaniac, wouldn't you? Besides, I don't think I've got the constitution for the kind of extracurricular shenanigans Tiger Woods has gotten up to. I get winded when the elevator in my apartment is out of order, for Chrissakes. I don't know how that guy does it, but the phrase "I'll have what he's having" comes readily to mind...

Where was I? Ah, yes....the Green Box. The GreenBox is that rare thing in 21st Century America: a phenomenon that attracts attention based purely on its genuine appeal to the industry and to consumers. Other folks might have to show a little leg or sell arms illegally to a third-world nation to get on the nightly news. The GreenBox receives constant coverage for one reason only: it is an idea whose time has come.

And so it is that an eagle-eyed New Yorker tipped us off to the recent coverage of the GreenBox on W-CBS TV in New York City. Food & Produce reporter Tony Tantillo stopped by the International Restaurant and Food Service Show of NY on Monday March 1st with a camera crew in tow. Now, it would be one thing if there was a brief shot of the GreenBox or a quick aside from Tony about the product..but Tony took a GreenBox back to the studio to sing its praises, going out of his way to highlight the product for his viewers (check out the clip here - the GreenBox makes its appearance towards the end of the segment). Clearly, Tony is wise to the inevitable success of the product and thanks to his coverage, so are the pizza-eating denizens of the New York City.

I should mention that Tony Tantillo also interviewed me extensively about Iran's continued uranium enrichment in naked defiance of the U.N., but this portion of the feature was mysteriously cut from the broadcast. However, near the start of the clip, you will see a dapper older gentlemen receiving a sample of soup. This man happens to be paternally responsible for both myself and my brother Ned Kensing, although he may not admit to either on camera.

And that's not all - CFO Jennifer Wright was recently interviewed by telephone for an upcoming profile piece in Business Week magazine. This will be posted as soon as it is available. You can be sure that my name will not make it to print, but I'm OK with that. I prefer to remain anonymous, uncorrupted, and pure as the driven snow...with the bank account to prove it.

XO,

The GreenBox Intern