Saturday, February 27, 2010

The GreenBox Commerical

I'm pleased to present the latest piece of perfection to issue from the GreenBox brain trust - a 42-second spot that perfectly captures the simple but revolutionary appeal of the GreenBox. Plus, it features an incredibly cute, precocious little darling who is sure to charm your socks off. No, I'm not talking about GreenBox inventor and CEO William Walsh, although he does make a cameo.

Check out the clip below - it's sure to garner more hits than our previous video release, which is well on the way to 1 Million.

By the way, I was originally slated for the role of "enthusiastic young consumer", but Will nixed the idea almost immediately, saying "I refuse to be captured on film next to that imbecile".

Oh well, Gracie le Du knocked it out of the park anyways.

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

We'd like to thank The Academy...

Penury and anonymity continue to be my lot in life. The GreenBox, on the other hand, is racking up industry accolades left and right.

The Wharton School of Business ("Top 25 Most Promising Start-Ups)...Columbia Business School ("Outrageous Business Competition")...The Green Business Competition...TIME Magazine ("Inventors and Their Inventions")...the list goes on and on. Publications and institutions all over the United States have been hailing the GreenBox as an innovation and a revelation ever since the product burst on to the scene...and the praise just keeps on comin'.

Today, we received a package here at the NYC offices from Restaurant Business Magazine, one of the most venerable periodicals in the industry. The package contained official recognition of the GreenBox as one of the 50 Great Ideas of 2009.

Shockingly, I was not mentioned in either the award itself or in the accompanying letter of congratulations. An oversight, I assume.

Besides, I get enough credit on a daily basis here at the office. Why, just the other day, Jen looked up from her numbers-crunching and said, "Hey Ned, does your brother still work here?" Keep in mind that I was sitting right behind her at the time, and had also brought her tea earlier that morning. Ned did not respond to her query, as he was out blowing upwards of $500 on his daily shopping-spree at G.N.C. (the man takes more supplements than mid-80s Hulk Hogan).

Still apparently not realizing that yours truly was sitting mere feet from her desk, Jen mused aloud, "I wonder how long we can keep milking that dweeb for all he's worth...which, granted, isn't much."

So you see, I don't need awards. Just a few kind words from colleagues who respect me and value my contributions...that's enough to keep me going.

So while it doesn't look like I'll be nominated for Intern of the Year (or even Intern of the Week) anytime soon, I'm proud to be working for a company that's captured the attention of the entire pizza industry.

We encourage you to check out the write-up in Restaurant Business Magazine here, and we thank the folks at RBM for this fine distinction.

Stay tuned to this blog as the GreenBox transitions from one of the Best Ideas of 2009 to the Household Name of 2010. As they say in Ned's favorite Broadway musical, The won't be long now.


The GreenBox Intern

Friday, February 19, 2010

All's Fair in Love and Trade Shows

Hi, all. It’s me, the GreenBox Intern. I’m sure you’re clamoring to know why I haven’t updated this blog in a couple of days. Allow me to explain.

Do you remember my last blog entry, wherein I suggested that you apply the GreenBox to your love life? Well, I took my own advice, and let’s just say Cupid really emptied his quiver over the past week or so. I haven’t had a week of unbridled hedonism like that since Ned and I went to Mykonos (some of the pictures from that trip are technically illegal in the United States, and for good reason).

One particularly impressionable hippie was so taken with my GreenBox pitch that I had some trouble getting her out of my apartment this morning. As I was showing her the door, I gave her a few sample boxes and told her to pass them out to attractive friends. What I didn’t tell her is that they have my phone number written on the inside. I’m telling you, it works.

Romantic conquests aside, I want to give you faithful readers a heads-up on what’s going on here in the NYC offices. We’re gearing up for two exciting industry events, the first being the International Restaurant and Food Service Show of New York. The show kicks off on February 28th at the Javits Center in Manhattan, and the GreenBox will be a featured product at the Imperial Bag & Paper booth (highly coveted industry real-estate, if we do say so ourselves). Here’s the kicker – you can get complimentary passes to the event by contacting Nicolina Zimbardo of IB&P at 1 (800) 794 7273, X3111. You can also email her at

Naively, perhaps, I assumed that my employers would take care of getting me a pass to attend the show. Turns out I had to contact Nicolina myself, like I was just some schlub off the street. I guess I ought to get used to that kind of treatment around here. To add insult to injury, enigmatic inventor and C.E.O. William Walsh told me to be at the Javits Center at 4 A.M. on the morning of the 28th. When I pointed out that the event didn’t start until 10 A.M., he said, “I know. I just want to drive by and see you standing out there by yourself at 4 in the morning. It would amuse me”. Wearily, I agreed to his strange demands – I’ve learned that resistance is futile. And besides, when this product takes off, I want to be in good standing.

I’ll be live-blogging and Tweeting the show as it happens, so be sure to befriend us on Facebook and follow us on Twitter. Keep in mind that I’ll be with Ned at the shows, so things are bound to get interesting. In case you've forgotten, Ned is the Director of Marketing here at GreenBox. He's also the guy who drinks straight vinegar on a daily basis because he swears it helps prevent wrinkles or some nonsense. He is also, I'm forced to admit, my brother.

The second industry event we’re preparing for is the International Pizza Expo in Las Vegas, NV. This show kicks off on Monday, March 2nd, and the Green Box will be featured at the Roma Foods booth (again, pretty high-class company we keep).

I won’t be attending the Las Vegas show in person. Will made a point of asking me not to attend in spirit, either. However, I will be back here in the NYC offices providing almost-live coverage of the event via pictures and correspondence relayed from Will, Jen, and Ned. I’ll also be picking up Jen’s dry-cleaning and watering her Ficus.

If you can attend either of the shows, please do so – the GreenBox crew would love to meet you. Otherwise, stick close to this blog for the latest updates. Get on board now…after these two events, the entire industry will know that the GreenBox is the Next Big Thing.

One final teaser: stay tuned for an amazing new GreenBox commercial, which is nearing completion and will be posted shortly. You guys are gonna love it.


The GreenBox Intern

Thursday, February 11, 2010

Finding Love with the GreenBox.

Let’s face it – you’re in a rut. Valentine’s Day is approaching and you’re alone, as usual. Lately, you find yourself reflecting on the trail of failed relationships that you call a life, reliving all of the mistakes you’ve made that led you to this sad, pathetic solitude. In the dead of yet another sleepless night, you wonder aloud, “will I ever find love again?” I gotta be honest…from where I’m standing it doesn’t look very likely, but I’d like to help you out if I can.

Your problem is, you’re not very interesting. You’re not very good-looking either, but let’s concentrate on what we can change. What you need is a new topic, a new passion…something to make you intriguing to the opposite sex. Your comic-book collection, alas, does not satisfy this requirement. But there is something new you can talk about, something that will excite your passion and perhaps move some troubled soul to take pity on you and invite you upstairs for “coffee”. The next time you’re trying to chat someone up, and you feel yourself losing his or her interest…talk about the GreenBox. Trust me, it works. After implementing the GreenBox in my love life, I had to get a new bedpost - my old one was lousy with notches.

Take some time to familiarize yourself with the GreenBox (our YouTube demonstration video is rapidly approaching one million hits). Watch the video and take detailed notes – this is all stuff you can use to get some Valentine’s Day action. In the very near future, every pizza ordered in the U.S. will arrive at the door in a GreenBox. Just think how attractive you’ll appear if you’re ahead of the curve. Also, the “environmentally conscious” features of the GreenBox are great at cocktail parties for impressing attractive young liberal activists. Try to drop some of these stats at your next social engagement, and I virtually guarantee you won’t go home alone:

• The GreenBox is manufactured from 100% recycled cardboard, so it’s environmentally friendly right out of the gate. That information alone ought to make quite an impression on that cute young co-ed. I’ve gotten many a phone number with that line, believe you me.
• The graphics on the GreenBox are created with water-based ink – yet another way that the GreenBox increases functionality while minimizing environmental impact. It’s 2010, and minimizing environmental impact is sexier than ever before. If you want to achieve the raw sexuality and animal magnetism of Al Gore, you gotta learn to talk GreenBox.
• The GreenBox saves water and paper. There’s no need to wash dishes or dispose of wasteful paper plates – it’s all there, and it’s all recycled and recyclable. This is an all-in-one pizza-consumption system that leaves nothing out and wastes as little as possible. It is so perfectly designed, I am almost tempted to call it “beautiful”. I can’t say the same for you, but hey – looks aren’t everything. At least the GreenBox will give you something to talk about. Depending on how eloquent you are, it might even distract the object of your affections from the fact that you do not bathe on a regular basis.
• After you break the GreenBox down, the storage container and serving plates fit easily into a standard recycling bin. We all know that after consuming an entire pizza (by yourself), lonely slobs like you just cram that traditional white pizza box down in to the trash (where it never fits), instead of doing the responsible thing and breaking it down for proper recycling. Well, laziness is the mother of invention, so thank heavens William Walsh came along and invented the GreenBox - making proper recycling effortless for the (lazy and lonely) pizza consumer. The cleaner and more efficient you make your life, the greater the chance that someone else might actually want to share it with you. Don’t hold your breath or anything, though.

That’s just a sampling of the amazing attributes of the GreenBox. Commit these simple facts to memory and try them out on attractive strangers – you’ll be surprised how much interest you can arouse. To learn more, visit our website, befriend us on Facebook, and follow us on Twitter – all valuable sources for GreenBox info. Or just wait a little while and check out the GreenBox next time you order a pizza – it’s coming soon to a door near you.

And if you follow my advice, you might be eating that pizza with another real live human being. Happy Valentine’s Day!


The GreenBox Intern

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

An Update from the GreenBox Intern...

Here in New York, it’s snowing like the dickens, and I’d much rather be home under the covers with some hot chocolate than here in the GreenBox NY offices.

But GreenBox C.E.O. William Walsh told me that if I didn’t make it in today he’d “dock my pay” – strange threat, since there is no “pay” to speak of. When I expressed a desire to leave at 5 P.M., as is customary here in the United States, he said “You leave at 5 and I’ll slash your benefits. Then what will you do when your son’s asthma starts flaring up again?” Again, a cryptic threat at best – I have no son, and if I did, he would almost certainly not be covered by my already non-existent benefits package here at GreenBox NY.

In any event, I made it in today and I'm slaving away as per usual. At the moment, I'm composing some press releases for our upcoming appearances at the International Restaurant and Food Service Show of New York (where we'll be featured at the Imperial Bag & Paper booth) and the International Pizza Expo in Las Vegas (which I won't be attending, because as Will said, "What the hell do we need you there for? Go get me a coffee").

William Walsh – an enigmatic genius, and a very demanding employer. Wish me luck.


The GreenBox NY Intern