Let’s face it – you’re in a rut. Valentine’s Day is approaching and you’re alone, as usual. Lately, you find yourself reflecting on the trail of failed relationships that you call a life, reliving all of the mistakes you’ve made that led you to this sad, pathetic solitude. In the dead of yet another sleepless night, you wonder aloud, “will I ever find love again?” I gotta be honest…from where I’m standing it doesn’t look very likely, but I’d like to help you out if I can.
Your problem is, you’re not very interesting. You’re not very good-looking either, but let’s concentrate on what we can change. What you need is a new topic, a new passion…something to make you intriguing to the opposite sex. Your comic-book collection, alas, does not satisfy this requirement. But there is something new you can talk about, something that will excite your passion and perhaps move some troubled soul to take pity on you and invite you upstairs for “coffee”. The next time you’re trying to chat someone up, and you feel yourself losing his or her interest…talk about the GreenBox. Trust me, it works. After implementing the GreenBox in my love life, I had to get a new bedpost - my old one was lousy with notches.
Take some time to familiarize yourself with the GreenBox (our YouTube demonstration video is rapidly approaching one million hits). Watch the video and take detailed notes – this is all stuff you can use to get some Valentine’s Day action. In the very near future, every pizza ordered in the U.S. will arrive at the door in a GreenBox. Just think how attractive you’ll appear if you’re ahead of the curve. Also, the “environmentally conscious” features of the GreenBox are great at cocktail parties for impressing attractive young liberal activists. Try to drop some of these stats at your next social engagement, and I virtually guarantee you won’t go home alone:
• The GreenBox is manufactured from 100% recycled cardboard, so it’s environmentally friendly right out of the gate. That information alone ought to make quite an impression on that cute young co-ed. I’ve gotten many a phone number with that line, believe you me.
• The graphics on the GreenBox are created with water-based ink – yet another way that the GreenBox increases functionality while minimizing environmental impact. It’s 2010, and minimizing environmental impact is sexier than ever before. If you want to achieve the raw sexuality and animal magnetism of Al Gore, you gotta learn to talk GreenBox.
• The GreenBox saves water and paper. There’s no need to wash dishes or dispose of wasteful paper plates – it’s all there, and it’s all recycled and recyclable. This is an all-in-one pizza-consumption system that leaves nothing out and wastes as little as possible. It is so perfectly designed, I am almost tempted to call it “beautiful”. I can’t say the same for you, but hey – looks aren’t everything. At least the GreenBox will give you something to talk about. Depending on how eloquent you are, it might even distract the object of your affections from the fact that you do not bathe on a regular basis.
• After you break the GreenBox down, the storage container and serving plates fit easily into a standard recycling bin. We all know that after consuming an entire pizza (by yourself), lonely slobs like you just cram that traditional white pizza box down in to the trash (where it never fits), instead of doing the responsible thing and breaking it down for proper recycling. Well, laziness is the mother of invention, so thank heavens William Walsh came along and invented the GreenBox - making proper recycling effortless for the (lazy and lonely) pizza consumer. The cleaner and more efficient you make your life, the greater the chance that someone else might actually want to share it with you. Don’t hold your breath or anything, though.
That’s just a sampling of the amazing attributes of the GreenBox. Commit these simple facts to memory and try them out on attractive strangers – you’ll be surprised how much interest you can arouse. To learn more, visit our website, befriend us on Facebook, and follow us on Twitter – all valuable sources for GreenBox info. Or just wait a little while and check out the GreenBox next time you order a pizza – it’s coming soon to a door near you.
And if you follow my advice, you might be eating that pizza with another real live human being. Happy Valentine’s Day!
The GreenBox Intern